I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
