I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
