I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is wine microwaveable?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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