just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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