We're facebook friends in real life
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
