you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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