At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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