If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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