he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Are we still banned from the library?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
