Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
