We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
