I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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