the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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