My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How's work?
Spinning.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
