i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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