dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
