If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
no you cant smoke seaweed
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
