you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
