I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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