my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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