This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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