I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
