Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
