p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can I color on your dick again?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
