We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
