Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
