just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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