Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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