On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
