3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
