Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
