it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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