we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
