Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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