We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
