I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
