you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
