my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
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