he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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