do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
