i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
