3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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