The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
