I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
