This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
