i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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