just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
