Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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