I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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