Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
