You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
