apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
