Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
